Vape Reviews, Nothing Less, Nothing More.

[mailpoet_form id="1"]

I Tried Five Pawns (and All I Got was This Lousy Blog Post)

Wanna start a flamewar? Mention Five Pawns on a vaping forum.

You know Five Pawns – that ultra-premium juice from California. The problem is, ultra-premium means expensive, and some vapin’ folks ’round these parts don’t cotton to that!

How dare some nice people try to make a living producing a high-quality niche product!? This is the e-cig world, where DIY modders and home-mixers freewheel and rule the roost with an iron, juice-stained fist. It’s the wild west and we like it that way! Rip off! Burn the witches! I can make the same thing for a nickel!

But you can’t, Johnny DIY. You really can’t. And like it or not, the world of e-cigs is rapidly expanding and maturing (they get big so quick!), and that means things change. That might even mean some intrepid folks want to push the envelope and make a living at it, too.

Let’s just say it – a lot of vapers are broke. Our hobby attracts a lot of college-aged kids and young adults (I can’t believe I just typed “young adult” in earnet). This demographic tends to lack disposable income. This demographic also crashes into the DIY crowd on the trusty old Venn diagram. Young, broke DIYers have pride. And outrage. Lots of outrage in great supply.

So yeah, Five Pawns ruffled some feathers with their premium $27.50 juice. But here’s the thing – their insidious minds have yet to find a way to brainwash you into spending money you don’t want to spend. I’m quite certain those bastards are hard at work on it, but they haven’t figured it out yet. (Or have they…?)

Dammit, the reviews are glowing. And people want to taste all the good stuff. It drives them nuts they can’t afford it, so…. rage.

But here’s another thing, pal – it’s just juice. It’s expensive. It’s delicious. But it’s still just juice. And working yourself into a lather over something you want – but no can has – is petty and stupid. You’re better than that, bros.

So don’t hate me when I say, it’s worth the money.

Yeah, I said it. Let a thousand flamewars with the intensity of a thousand exploding suns wreak havoc across the globe. I’ll wait.

It’s good shit, dude. It really is. And I don’t mind paying for it once in a while. (Hey, I’ve got this cushy vape blogging gig. Six figures, bro. Six figures.)

Is it going to be my all-day vape? Hell no. I can’t afford it, and even if I could, it’s not that kind of juice. This stuff is the treat at the end of the week, not the daily grind. This is Knappogue Irish Whisky on a Saturday evening, not a Wednesday PBR with free happy hour wings.

And that’s a good thing. The vaping world needs to expand. There’s room for different classes of juice. It can’t be a Mt. Baker world forever. Lots of mixers are pushing the envelope, and we’re all going to benefit from it.

So stop. Stop hating. Let them crazy guys make their cask-infused, Jesus-blessed, unicorn-tear elixir, and laugh when the suckers with more money than sense buy it. And maybe – just maybe – I’ll even share some with you.

 Note: I got my Five Pawns Gambit the old-fashioned way; I paid for it. No freebies here to influence my drunken rambling. However, now that I’m done… if you 5P guys are reading, feel free to send me a LuAnn Platter.

Filed under: Blog


  1. Couldn’t agree more. And I don’t even think it’s all that expensive. My local brick and mortar sells their store-made crap for $10 for 10mL. That’s a dollar per mil….which is about 10 cents more per mil than Five Pawns. And this brick and mortar juice, aside from being complete goat piss, comes in a cheap plastic bottle with a hand-written label. I love Five Pawns juices. Have three different flavors open right now. Yeah, it ain’t cheap. Therefore it’s not what I carry to work with me. But like you, I’ll gladly sit down and enjoy it as a good treat. Great right up. I too am tired of hearing the haters. Do these same people bitch about Mercedes Benz simply because they have a Chevy budget?

  2. So true. This applies to juice and hardware…

  3. Haha love it.

  4. Since I’m vaping on FivePawns Queenside as I type this, I guess my vote has been cast. Bottom line … if I like an eliquid flavor, it really doesn’t matter how much it costs!

  5. Do you really make 6 figures? You didn’t even have a link to Provape on your provari review. If you want i’ll send you my Provape affiliate link.

    I like the site keep it up!

  6. This is absolutely the best response to Five Pawns question that Ive ever seen. It answered the question for me, is it worth it or is it all hype. And I guess it really does come down to the fact that you should live within your means, and sometimes splurge if you think its worth blowing your laundry money and spare cash for the week. My local shop sells Five Pawns entire line. And having only $57 a week for laundry and toiletries, the question in my mind is not whether or not I’m gonna let my laundry go unwashed for another week, but do I get Gambit, Queenside, or Lucena tomorrow when I pick up my money…lol. The truth is, I haven’t done my laundry in over a month, and last week I bought a 30ml of Grandmaster. Was it worth it? Mmmm….My laundry can wait one more week…lol…I’m probably gonna buy some Gambit tomorrow from my local Infinite Vapor shop. Buy what you can afford, or be like me, live like a slob and vape like a Champ.

  7. I’ve been buying juice from all over the net, from the reasonably priced Mt baker vapor (Loving the new Admiral Berry Crunch), to mid range priced juice from (they have some killer flavors like truth syrum, cantamelon, blood and ink, and sugared peaches, but need a while to steep) to AA top shelf juice from brands like ripe vape, CRFT, and A shelf juice from Cosmic fog and suicide bunny. (Honest opinion, Nuts from Cosmic Fog blows Mothers milk from SB out of the water!) My first purchase from 5 pawns was castle long and Gambit, both which i fell in love with immediately. Shortly after I purchased black flag fallen, and even though it has had a lot of mixed reviews, I fell in love with it. Rich black coffee, walnut and black truffle, all which come through beautifully if kept at a low temp. It gets bitter when vaped at high wattage. Ive honestly never tasted anything so true to its description! No artificial flavors, no simplic flavors. This is a juice that should be enjoyed slowly, like a fine wine or single origin coffee (I have a complete addiction to Ethiopian Yirgacheffe). I have yet to purchase an RDA, but have stepped up from the Kanger aero, aspire nautilus, Atlantis, and Joyetech Delta 2 to the new Eleaf Lemo 2, and I have to say… an RTA is the way to go. If you can’t afford a Kayfun V4 (I’m saving up) then the Lemo 2 is for you. Its got the top key hole fill (no more unscrewing the bottom just to fill your tank) fully rebuildable, and has a decent build deck. I like to buid coils around 1-1.2 ohm, (26awg Kanthal, 7 wraps, 3 mm center, and Koh Gen Do organic Japaneese cotton. It keeps my clouds at a decetn lever, and at around 15 watts, the flavor is just bonkers. It is definitely not an all day vape unless you can afford it, but I dont mind treating myself to a tank full every evening. Last thing I have to say, GRANDMASTER!!!! I discovered gradmaster in the past few months, and have bought more than 5 bottles. Ive never had a flavor I didnt get tired of. Its absolutely incredible, the banana creme is subtle, while the peanut butter gives you a nice base, and the caramel tops off in the end, sitting on your tongue after you exhale. I am excited to try more of the flavors, especially Absolute Pin and Sixty Four. I currently am awaiting a bottle of castle long reserve Edition IV, which i will send in a quick review once ive had some time with it.

    Sorry for the extreme rambling, just happy to find others who really appreciate the finer things.

  8. A bottle of castle long last me about 2 weeks for under $30
    packs of camels are $8
    a pack of day smoker down to vaping $60 worth of five pawns is worth it to me

  9. Five Pawns’ Perpetual Check is my everyday draw. Love it. Found it (and the whole Five Pawns line) on sale for $20 (inc shipping).
    And as for price: a pack of cigs is $14 (in nyc); I was smoking about $40-$60/WEEK, so $27 every TWO weeks is a gross savings of about $75 every two weeks I don’t smoke an analog. I call that value.

  10. Is it worth it? To ME, the answer is *hell yes*. I will admit that it sucks seeing all these people happily vaping their $10/30ml juice of choice, while I keep spending $30 a bottle.

    ***side note – my luck ran out! For the past year a local shop has somehow been selling the full 5 pawns line for $19.99 per 30ml bottle! About 2 months ago, they up and decided to quit carrying 5 pawns, much to my dismay. I bought the last 6 bottles of Castle Long they had, and (sigh…) now I guess I’m just paying what everyone else pays.***

    Anyways… To me, the ONLY reason I am even a little dissatisfied is the competition’s pricing. If ALL why ice was $27.50/30ml, I wouldn’t think anything of it. As a previous poster mentioned, 5 Pawns price is still a BARGAIN compared to my old cigarette budget! Where I live, a pack is “only” $6, but usually when I would stop I’d buy something to drink also, and maybe a snack. At 2 packs a day, that came out to around $15 to $20 a DAY on nasty cigarettes (that’s around $450 to $600 a MONTH!!!).

    I can vape Castle Long every day and I *might* go through 3 bottles in a month. That’s $82.50 a month compared to that $450 to $600 before. That’s a healthier, tastier, and MUCH CHEAPER habit no matter how you slice it.

    As far as the flavor, my main problem is that Castle Long and sub-ohm tanks are what enabled me to quit smoking. In truth, I didn’t even really try. I just gradually learned that I legitimately PREFERRED my CL to my Marlboro Smooths. And it just happened!

    The issue is this: I bet I seriously have bought close to 100 other juices in the last year and a half, and nothing’s have tried holds a candle to the rich, warm, and wonderfully satisfying taste of that sweet bourbon/vanilla/caramel/coconut e-liquid.

    Literally every juice I’ve tried has fallen between “Ugh… Can’t do this” and “Meh… I guess it’ll do until I get more Castle Long.” And believe me I’ve tried most all the flavors that “everyone” likes. Milk and Honey, Mother’s Milk, Sigar Bear, you name it – I’veboufht it and vaped it and wished I had Castle Long instead.

    I’ve even tried SteamCo’s Gentleman’s Reserve, which is supposed to be similar. My take? Yes it was similar. In the way that Jello Pudding cheesecake mix in a store-bought crappy crust is “similar” to a decadent hand-crafted cheesecake from that awesome local restaurant you love… Similar in the way that Busch Light is “similar” to a rich, fine dark beer from a local brewery that costs $10 a mug.

    I guess what I’m saying is I LOVE Castle Long from Five Pawns. It is ABSOLUTELY worth the price of admission. It’s a little pricey for e-juice, but I still save a CRAPLOAD compared to what I spent on smokes each month. If anyone ever introduces me to a juice that is as satisfying as this, but costs less? I’ll be all over it. But until then, I’ll be shelling out the coin. Because no other juice is in its class, and cigarettes are no longer an option – in price OR satisfaction.

  11. For the past several months-maybe even year- I have been on the hunt for a juice with a flavor profile similar to Castle Long, because I f’ing love the stuff. I wish I was a fancy, blog writing, six figure making aristocrat so I could vape it all day. Alas, I am a poor, blue-collar college dropout, and life has forced me to be more creative and cunning, and I am too old and worn out to get by on my good looks and charm anymore. I do love the flavor profile, though…

    I’ve found very few e liquids out there that come close, and the search continues. There are a couple worth mentioning, for those of you who, like me, enjoy this flavor as an ADV:

    Lone Star by Longhorn Vapes is a dead ringer-practically a clone. It’s about the same price as Castle Long, so nothing is really accomplished by choosing it over the original. However, you can buy a 15 no bottle for a bit less, so… Options.

    Slim’s e juice has a version called Castle Short (sigh… I know), but it’s a bit richer and more tobaccoish. Not bad, but different.

    Red Rock Vapors is a real find-they have a very similar flavor called Checkmate, and it ain’t too bad at all. It’s been my regular replacement for a couple months… Very affordable, and although it’s not the real thing, it is definitely in the same flavor ballpark.

    Nothing has completely equaled or topped Castle Long for me…. But at nearly 30 bucks a bottle, I have to keep looking. Sucks to finally find the flavor you love and not be able to afford it… First world probs, am I right?

    • Addendum: I may have found the heavyweight champion of the Castle Long Clones…, out of Canada, makes a clone that is damned near spot on. I discovered it on eBay, of all places. I ordered a small sample of nicotine free juice, and I immediately ordered 100mg from their site… The prices are more than fair, even with the shipping.

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comment *

Name *
Email *